Do you ever just sit and ponder if you are doing the right job as a parent?
Do you ever doubt your ability to raise a successful member of the society?
If so, then congratulations! You are walking undeviatingly on the intricate path of parenting. Doubting yourself is the part of this process but you have to keep going.
However, it is essential that you know the art of parenting and its pivotal role in the upbringing of children.
Why worry so much over a parenting style? And What Type Of Parent Are You?
According to a meticulous research held, a group of preschoolers’ behavior was carefully examined. After analyzing extensive observations, it was concluded that each type of behavior was highly correlated to an individual kind of parenting. You would have never imagined how significant your parenting style is and how it can be used to distinguish between the children in regard with their attitude and attributes. This is as interesting as astonishing.
We can segregate four major types of parenting styles based on their features and conspicuous effects:
1. Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parenting is a parenting style in which you as a parent have high demands from your children but reciprocate by being equally responsive.
Authoritative parenting involves parents who are more responsive, warm and nurturing like a friend. They develop a more amicable relationship with their toddlers so that they feel valued and heard. They do however maintain the parental image by expecting more and keeping their children disciplined. This consequently sustains the right balance between independence and responsibilities.
If so, let’s go through this checklist!
- Do you communicate with your children cordially?
Do they share everything with you without hesitation?
Is your child’s day structured and scheduled?
Do they fear the repercussions if they don’t abide by the plan?
- Do you think your expectations from your children valid and rational?
If your answer to majority of the above mentioned questions was yes then kudos! You are an ideal authoritative parent. If you could relate to some of the requisites of being an authoritative parent, then you do emulate some of their eminent qualities.
You don’t have a communication barrier between you and your child. They without reluctance unveil their emotional side to you and accordingly, respect your decisions. You do enforce reasonable limits but you don’t clip their wings. Instead you give your children the space to soar high.
2. Permissive Parenting
This type of parenting style is characterized by parents having low demands from their children but are highly responsive.
They are the dream parents of every kid; they are unorthodox and very lenient. They usually are overly affectionate and make no substantial effort to discipline their children. Hence, they often lose their respect in building a friendly connection with the children. This all condenses to make them more responsive and less demanding.
Do you recognize yourself as a permissive parent?
Checklist to see if you are a permissive parent:
- Do you avoid confrontation with your children?
- Do you lure them or bribe them to get things done right?
- Do you compromise on your morals and discipline just to accommodate your child’s approval towards it?
- Do you have this urge to be your child’s best friend than to be his strict parent?
- Do you feel that exercising control and regulating rules might harm your relationship with your child?
If you agreed to most of the questions above then you are likely to be an indulgent parent.
Maybe this won’t create the right atmosphere to raise your child in. If your answer to some of the questions is yes then your parenting style might overlap with permissive and other corresponding styles.
However, it isn’t healthy if you barely enforce any rules and don’t regulate them. Because you lay greater emphasis on your child’s independence than on his duties, your kids would act without considering the consequences. Therefore, at times you might end up compromising your rules just to accommodate your kid’s mood.
3. Authoritarian Parenting
This parenting style is practiced when parents have usually high demands and low responsiveness. They expect more than what they provide.
This is probably the most unpopular parenting style among the kids. Who would want a parent who yells at all times and punishes his child on petty matters? Such parents enforce strict, harsh rules and tolerate no compromise over them. Perhaps, this justifies how they never provide an explanation for utilizing punishment instead of discipline.
Judge yourself through this checklist which will help you identify yourself as an authoritarian parent!
Checklist (What Type Of Parent Are You?)
- Do you have very strict rules and you believe that they should be obeyed no matter what?
- Do you often give no explanations for your decisions and impose them by saying ‘Because I said so’?
- Do you let your children make a few decisions about their lives?
- Do you punish your children often to get them to do work?
- Are you reserved in the amount of warmth and nurturing you show your child?
If you answered yes to majority of questions above then you might characterize yourself as an authoritarian parent. If you agreed with a few of them. then you might possess a few eminent traits of an authoritarian parent. It is also a high time that you carefully examine your parenting style.
Since you do not have patience for misbehavior, your children fear you and probably this is why sometimes you may find it challenging to conduct an open dialogue with them. You get distant from your children because they perceive you as a cold and non-nurturing personality. You also tend to be a control freak and your children are repelled by it.
4. Neglectful Parenting
This method of parenting is also known as ‘Uninvolved Parenting’. This involves parents who are neither responsive nor demanding. They are often dismissive and completely neglectful.
If we glance at it we witness such parents to be merely involved in their children’s emotional development. They do provide the basic necessities of life but is that enough? They lack two defining attributes of a successful parent: guidance and affection. They also believe that beyond providing basics of life, parents hold no responsibilities towards their children.
This is the unhealthiest kind of parenting. Proceed with the checklist below to identify yourself as a neglectful parent!
How to Check for neglectful parenting?
- Do you believe you do not care enough for your child’s needs let it be emotional or physical?
- Do you think you don’t have a better understanding of what is going on in your child’s life?
- Do you often find yourself making excuses for not being there for your child?
- Do you spend more time away from home, leaving the child alone?
- Do you not know your child’s friends and or teachers? Are you not involved in your child’s outside life?
It is a matter of worry for you if your answer to most of the questions above is yes. Are you really an involved parent? If you disagreed to a few, still try eliminating all of the qualities of such an ignorant parent from your personality.
You may describe yourself as a neglectful parent if you are emotionally distant from your child. If you are so self-involved and cannot offer adequate supervision to your kids. Label yourself as an epitome of such parents if you avoid your children and their problems. Probably those days when you are even too tired to attend their football practices or Parent Teacher Conferences.
Pros and Cons of Types of Parenting
For you, these parenting styles might just be ordinary ways which you are utilizing to raise your children. But did you know that your method has grave influence over your child’s psychology? Let us peek at the effects of each type of the parenting styles:
Pros and Cons of Authoritative Parenting
Your children are distinguishable if you are an authoritative parent. You have raised them well to have a happy and mellow nature. You will witness how your children are self-confident and self-aware. They know their worth and value their abilities. This is mirrored in the sharp social skills they develop.
Pros and Cons of Permissive Parenting
Parenting exhibited by permissive parents raises children who lack self-discipline. You will witness how lack of expectations make children achieve less and they are robbed of opportunity to explore their potential fully. The kids then struggle to make decisions and so are prone to get involved in misconduct.
Pros and Cons of Authoritarian Parenting
Children raised by authoritarian parenting style are seen to be obedient. But you will also witness how they are more aggressive outside the house and struggle with self-control since they are not given liberty to make decisions. Their low self-esteem makes them awkward in social situations. So it is easy to spot a kid of authoritarian parents!
Pros and Cons of Neglectful Parenting
This might not come as a surprise to know that children involved with neglectful parenting are emotionally withdrawn. You can see how they would be stressed out and would feel fear and anxiety more common due to lack of family involvement. As they fear being dependent, they indulge in drugs and other illegal acts.
What is the best parenting style?
After carefully scrutinizing all the above mentioned points I will now alter the question from…
‘What kind of parent are you?’ to…
‘Being which type of parent is the best approach?’
And the obvious answer here would be authoritative parent. Children raised with this style have exhibited best outcomes.
Authoritative parents expect from their kids the same behavior that they display. This seems fair and just too. So children perceive them as role models and show more discipline and consistency in obeying rules.
As these parents have a stronger emotional control over themselves, their child tends to follow them here too and learns to become more emotionally stable and also understands others well. At the end children always turn to their ‘Hero’ parents for guidance.
The space and independence authoritative parents grant helps children to grow and learn. They recognize their potential without putting their morals at stake and foster strong self-esteem.
Don’t worry! This is a flexible way of parenting and can be exercised effectively in all types of households. It will create a healthy environment for your child to grow in. To implement it correctly, you should:
Display affection and care for your children and make them feel wanted.
Praise and encourage their achievements and positive attitude.
Set reasonable expectations from them and be demonstrative.
Set consistent and fair rules for them to follow.
Discipline them by giving them the liberty to question your method and choices.
Clarify the consequences for their actions.
- Take their opinions and suggestions into notice.
If the question ‘What is the best way to raise my child?’ is still pestering you then give a quick glance to these minor types of parenting which are further derived from the four major types previously mentioned.
You might be a tiger parent if you push your child to prosper on your terms. They expect their children to be obedient and have high expectations from them. You might think this kind of pressure may help children be more successful and productive. But all might not take it the same way and for some this maybe a cause for depression and self-hate.
Free Range Parent
The children of these parents enjoy a lot of freedom. If you are such a parent, you trust your child more than you should. You educate them about the right morals but then back off and do not participate. This would make your child more self-sufficient and independent. But at the cost of a risk that your child might exploit the granted freedom.
Attached or Gentle Parent
If you are a relaxed parent but set rules and limits to build your child’s character then you are the epitome of a gentle parent. You do provide your child with the safe haven of love and build a more emotionally profound relationship with him. But this can make your children more dependent and vulnerable. As this parenting type is categorized for clingy mothers who can’t let go of their children.
Helicopter and Lawnmower Theory
As it is in the name, helicopter parents are those who hover over their children. They stay above and close to their children. And whenever needed, like an action hero they swoop in and help out their children. Lawnmower parents are those who are one step ahead of their children. They clear their path and try to remove all obstacles.
The one mutual trait in both such parents is the great deal of interference. The modern children would object on such parenting as it violates their ‘we need our privacy’ slogan. They also are correct to some extent as children need freedom to enjoy outdoor experiences and risks to grow.
As a parent, you do every possible thing to make sure you are doing the correct job as a parent and not jeopardizing your kid’s future. You read books, consult adult experts, and browse websites and a lot more frustrating stuff. But this all will lead you to one sole thing; improve your relation with your children. The unique bond that you and your child share fosters you child’s physical, emotional and social development.
You have to realize that all these aspects mentioned above and the ones you will come across are just theoretical psychological researches. They are neither the standard nor universal. They are not applicable to all children and cannot be uniform for all children in the same family. As a parent don’t despair if you have to consult to different parenting categories but rather be flexible. With dedication and commitment you can be the best parent.
For Special Needs Parents Straight from Heart:
Parenting child who is differently abled can be very challenging.
It can be very upsetting to see when the world does not delight in your child the way you do or see their beauty and wholeness. But you have to stand unshattered and be your child’s strength.
Be more supportive to your child. Make him hang out in public like every other kid and normalize all stuff the kids his/her age do. Allow them to embrace their difference. Don’t let them be ashamed of it. Don’t let it hinder their dreams and aspirations. Let them wear it like a crown and rule the world.
Without question, parenting is both, the most challenging yet the most fun task one will take on in life. It is one of the most debilitating, surprising and rewarding experience of one’s life. But all parents, including you, want the similar outcome from this experience; you want your children to be the well-functioning and groomed members of the society. So to achieve the best possible outcome, you should integrate approval, compromise, consistency and encouragement of autonomy into your parenting method.
Kindly share your reviews with us. Let us know what kind of parent you are and enlighten us with your experiences and insight. We would love to know how you handle different child problems. So don’t hesitate to share your opinions in the comment section below!